By Your Side
by Lorilozz
Summary: A short Nathan/Haley extension fic for episode 7.16 'My Attendance Is Bad But My Intentions Are Good'. Told from Nathan's POV.


**Title:** By Your Side

**Spoilers:** This is a Nathan/Haley one shot (Nathan's POV) from episode 7.16 'My Attendence Is Bad But My Intentions Are Good'. It includes a 'missing scene' from part of the episode and also an extension scene following on from the episode.

**Summary:** _Maybe he didn't have the answers. Maybe he couldn't make it all better, but he could do this. He could kiss her, hold her and comfort her. He could be by her side, letting her know she wasn't alone. He would be whatever she needed him to be._

**Author's Note:** Thanks to Kris for her invaluable feedback. I would never have finished this without her support.

* * *

Nathan was stirred from his thoughts when he felt the slight pressure on the mattress. Rolling over, he found his wife lifting the covers. The lightweight coverlet looked as heavy as a waterlogged rug in her shaky hands. He pulled it from her, flinging it back over himself and waited as she crawled onto the bed and snuggled into his side. He hated seeing her like this. Knowing that she was hurting and also knowing that there was nothing he could do to take that pain away.

When he'd come home earlier that evening, the house was ominously silent. He'd bumped into his mother-in-law first. She was sitting in the living room, settled onto the sofa with a bottle of alcohol and three glasses on the table before her. Her eyes were red rimmed; her face pale… and he knew something was seriously wrong.

"Lydia? Are you okay?"

"Grandma?" Jamie asked, his little brow furrowing.

She'd been startled out of her daze and smiled up at him, her eyes filled with sadness. With grief. His first thought was that the James women had been remembering Jimmy James, and the memories of their loss combined with alcohol had them all tearing up again even after all these years.

"I'm fine," she muttered putting on her best smile. "But I'd like to spend some time with my Grandson."

Jamie went and sat by his Grandma, curling into her side. Lydia glanced up at her son-in-law. "Haley's upstairs getting changed. I think she wants to talk to you."

Obviously there was a problem that Lydia didn't want to mention in front of his son, something that had upset his wife. He didn't stick around to find out more. He knew that Lydia would watch Jamie for a while, and quickly made his way up to the master bedroom.

"Hales?"

She was sitting on the edge of their bed, towel-drying her hair. His heart broke when she looked up at him with her bloodshot eyes, swollen from crying. Her eyes, which reflected every single emotion so vividly, proving true the old saying that they were the window to the soul, were filled with sorrow and grief and helplessness… and a little fear.

Her lower lip trembled as they made eye contact and he knew she was struggling not to fall apart. His strong wife. The woman who shouldered everyone else's burdens for them, who held everyone together in a crisis was on the edge of shattering to pieces and it scared the hell out of him. He raced to her side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders to draw her into his arms.

"Baby. What's wrong?"

She was quiet and he knew she didn't want to speak in case it opened up the floodgates for her tears. He waited patiently, holding her tight and running a soothing hand up and down her back while he waited.

"It's mom." Pulling back she wiped away a few errant tears and closed her eyes. "She has cancer. She came here to spend time with us before… she's dying, Nathan."

"Oh, Hales. God, I'm so sorry." He said, feeling like the most useless husband on the planet.

"I don't want to do this again. Losing dad was so hard… but we all got through it. Mom is the reason we did but now to lose her too? Why is this happening?"

He didn't have an answer and he knew she didn't expect him to, so he just held her, giving her whatever comfort she needed. Before long, he heard his son's voice calling out and it seemed to jerk them out of the little bubble of grief they'd created.

"I don't want him to see me like this. Not yet. I want to explain this to him when I'm calm. I just can't do it right now."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" Nathan offered, not wanting her to go through anything more than she could handle right now.

"No, we should do it together. Tomorrow. We'll tell him tomorrow. I don't know if mom wants to be there."

"Okay. I'll put him to bed tonight."

"I was going to spend some time… I need to be with her tonight."

"Of course. You just go to your mom. I'll take care of everything else." He stood up, pulling her with him and into his strong arms, wanting to shield her from anything and everything. He kissed her gently and rested his forehead against hers looking deep into her eyes. "I'm here for you. Whatever you need, baby."

"I know and I love you for that. Thank you."

He'd lain awake for hours after putting Jamie to bed, unable to sleep knowing what she was going through. Knowing that downstairs, his wife and two people she loved, that he'd grown to love over the years, were hurting. He'd only felt this helpless one other time in his life and that was when he'd been sitting by his wife's bedside after she'd been hit by Daunte's car. There'd been nothing he could do but wait. Wait for her to wake up. Wait for some assurance that she was going to be okay. He imagined there'd be a lot more waiting involved in this crisis. Yes, physically Haley was fine, but emotionally she was being torn apart and that was going to continue while Lydia lived her last days and well beyond. Grief was a tricky thing. One never knew how long it would take hold of a person and God knows Haley had had more than enough grief in her lifetime.

"You don't have to be the glue, Hales. You're strong enough and I know you could do it if you wanted to… but you don't have to. Just lean on me. I'll be strong for you this time, baby." He whispered as he stroked her hair.

"I'm so scared, Nathan. I need her. I know I've been independent since we got married, but she's always been just a phone call away. This is just so different. When I think of not being able to pick up the phone and talk to her about my day, or ask her advice or just cry and hear her voice soothing me… God, I can't breathe. My heart hurts. I don't want this. I want… I want mom to be okay. I want daddy back. I want…"

As she dissolved into tears against his chest, Nathan felt his already glossy eyes flow with tears of his own. He couldn't bear his wife being so scared and vulnerable. It brought back memories of when they'd first married and he'd come home to their apartment just after she'd moved in to find her in tears. She'd been afraid then. Afraid that she wasn't ready for their marriage; wasn't ready to be his wife. At least back then he'd been able to do something. He'd only been a sixteen year old boy, but he'd been able to comfort and reassure her and tell her that everything was going to be okay… but he couldn't do that this time. He was a man now and he couldn't do anything. It was killing him! He was living his dream, had almost anything he wanted at his fingertips, but he couldn't protect her from this. Everything wasn't going to be okay. Lydia James was going to die and no matter how much he wanted to change that, to protect his wife and son… and himself from the hurt that was going to cause… he was powerless.

"You're going to get through this, Hales. You're a James girl and if I know anything about you and your sisters, it's that you're tough. And you get that from your mom. You're all going to get through this together."

Haley pulled away from his chest to look up into his eyes. "I love you, Nathan. I don't think I could do this without you."

"Sure you could, but you'll never have to find out." He used his thumb to wipe away her tears before cupping her cheek. "You're my world, Hales. I love you and I'll always be by your side. Always."

He leaned down to press his lips softly against hers. He felt her hand against his cheek and her sigh against his lips. Within minutes, Nathan heard her breathing even out and sighed with relief for the peace he felt come over her. Knowing that she felt safe here in his arms helped ease a little of his own pain.

Maybe he didn't have the answers. Maybe he couldn't make it all better, but he could do this. He could kiss her, hold her and comfort her. He could be by her side, letting her know she wasn't alone. He would be whatever she needed him to be.


End file.
